sarah the unforgotten

[x!candi!x]

part 1sarah just walked in from school she was scared to go home that evening as her dad abuses her.
SLAM the door blew shut *stamps down the stairs*
shaking sarah said "hi dad"
"get in that room now!"
*he punched sarah in the ribs*
she fell to the ground groaning in agony
he walked into the living room sarah knew wat was coming she tried to run quickly up the stairs she went into her room and locked the door her dad banged on the door
"let me in know u stupid *****"
she sat at her door crying
"dad go away!"
*ringring*sarahs mobile started to ring
"hello arrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............................. .................................................. ................................
"sarah sarah! SARAH!"
to be continued

[*.Glitter.Rip.*]

I can give you 6/10
Its a bit too short for me plus there isnt enough detail. Dont worry just lengthen the story like adding the characters feelings towards it.
My ribs felt like they had been shattered and fell to the floor."

[Ciaran]

very good well done!! make a second version.... 10/10