help with my best friend. +rep.

[beth]

okay so basically,

i'm having a bit of trouble with my best friend. something happened a few weeks ago that he handled really badly and pretty much let me down with (he's not very good with emotions...) and everytime he talks to me now i just feel a lot of venom towards him or just apathy (hahah) so i've been communicating as little as possible in the hope he'll realise he's done wrong and kinda apologise.

but (obviously) he hasn't and like it was a massive thing to me but he obviously renders it insignificant so i feel really awkward bringing it up in conversation.

any ideas on how to either make him realise or how i can talk this out with him? i really find it hard to speak to him at all at the moment. argh.

[Nemo]

Just tell him straight. He's clearly oblivious so you might as well instead of dropping subtle hints (that **** really just doesn't work).


n do it face to face if it's a big deal.

[beth]

Just tell him straight. He's clearly oblivious so you might as well instead of dropping subtle hints (that **** really just doesn't work).


n do it face to face if it's a big deal.

but it's kinda like i know it'd just be better to tell him but he SHOULD know what he's done, it's a massive thing and the fact he hasn't realised makes me doubt i even want to be his friend. i just eurghghhghghghghghgh i dunno.

[Nemo]

but it's kinda like i know it'd just be better to tell him but he SHOULD know what he's done, it's a massive thing and the fact he hasn't realised makes me doubt i even want to be his friend. i just eurghghhghghghghghgh i dunno.

Perhaps you're overreacting? idk it's kind of hard to give advice when the situation is so vague

[FlyingJesus]

He's not worth your time, he's a bloody idiot who really ought to know far better considering his job, and even that aside he certainly shouldn't have reacted the way he did when he's meant to be your best friend. You can do without people like him pretending to know how things work

[Neversoft]

Neev is right, you should just tell him straight and then discuss it together. You'll know exactly where you both stand, then. I was in a similar situation before, except instead of hate and apathy I just felt overwhelming sadness and I got really depressed. But conversation really is the solution to almost everything. I just told my friend exactly how I felt and she did the same, and slowly but surely we worked everything out. It's important to remember how things seem aren't always how things are. Your friend may know he has let you down and wants to apologise, but because you aren't talking to him as much, maybe he assumes you don't really want him by anymore, which makes it harder to bring up whatever the initital problem was. It's as if you're both stuck in limbo. It sounds like a very personal situation, though. It's probably worth considering just how much your friend has let you down, how unreasonable it may or may not have been, and whether you actually want to forgive him.

[beth]

Perhaps you're overreacting? idk it's kind of hard to give advice when the situation is so vague

i literally can't go into not only for my own reasons but for legal issues as well, but it's big enough that the police are involved and it caused me a great deal of physical and mental harm.
dunno if tom's reply below gives you any idea of it (he knows the full ting).

He's not worth your time, he's a bloody idiot who really ought to know far better considering his job, and even that aside he certainly shouldn't have reacted the way he did when he's meant to be your best friend. You can do without people like him pretending to know how things work

it's just hard cause if i cut him off i don't have anyone until i start my new uni.

Neev is right, you should just tell him straight and then discuss it together. You'll know exactly where you both stand, then. I was in a similar situation before, except instead of hate and apathy I just felt overwhelming sadness and I got really depressed. But conversation really is the solution to almost everything. I just told my friend exactly how I felt and she did the same, and slowly but surely we worked everything out. It's important to remember how things seem aren't always how things are. Your friend may know he has let you down and wants to apologise, but because you aren't talking to him as much, maybe he assumes you don't really want him by anymore, which makes it harder to bring up whatever the initital problem was. It's as if you're both stuck in limbo. It sounds like a very personal situation, though. It's probably worth considering just how much your friend has let you down, how unreasonable it may or may not have been, and whether you actually want to forgive him.

i think this last point is the main pivot in my mind at the moment, like i've mentioned in reply above it was a massive deal and if i let someone down in that way i wouldn't expect to see them anymore. i suppose it's hard for me because a) he REALLY does not think he's done wrong, and if i have breached the subject with him (like i did the other week) he makes a pathetic joke or tells me to lighten up. and originally i did think i was overreacting but i spoke to some professionals and they confirmed for me that i wasn't overreacting and he did react in a stupid way.

it would be easier if i had more friends but this "gap year" has left me pretty lonely irl with my friends from uni 200 miles away and most of my friends at home working or at uni elsewhere.