"Is your e-personality taking over your life?"

[buttons]

I DON'T WANT THIS MOVED TO DEBATES PLEASE. i don't really want a debate where you put reasons for both arguments in general about what you think on the topic, i'd rather hear people's own experiences. er there's a TL;DR at the bottom with general questions if you don't want to read lol



ok basically this is a topic i've been interested in a long time, i often ask people from the forum what they think about it too. it recently came up in an article in my psychology magazine and i wanna share a few things from it.

"Living and publishing online are becoming so intertwined that people are often thinking about how they can tweet about an event while it is still happening. As a result of this daily posting of our life online, whether it be via Facebook, Twitter or other sites, most people have developed some form of 'e-personality' which often differs in some way from their real 'offline' selves. But is our online self influencing our real-life behaviour?"

this is the bit that really interests me. it's easy to see how people can be shy in real life but online they have the most confidence, saying things they wouldn't dream of saying face to face. but do you think it can be the opposite way around? where you gain confidence online and project this in to real life when you're usually quite shy? considering almost everyone in schools have facebook and have each other as friends whether they're actually friends or not, you can make yourself look better than you are or use it to try impress other people. all for a bit of popularity and 'likes'.

i can give you an example. my cousin was bullied at school, she lied about so much stuff. then facebook got popular, she added everyone from her old schools (she moved twice and dropped out the second one) and used her status' as a way to get her popularity back up. she makes herself out to be a nice person, she has so much friends on facebook (over 3,000...) that there are bound to be a few people that will agree with what she says which in turn makes it look like she's "right". she stands up for everyone, talks to people online that she doesn't know but are from the surrounding areas and gets them to stick up for her too and basically makes herself out to be a martyr even though in the past she was a liar that everyone hated. now everyone 'respects' her. in reality though she still has her nasty side but she will never show it online because that's where the "evidence" exists i suppose. & now she tells me she's confused to who she is because she doesn't want to say horrible things as she knows it will make her look a hypocrite. i'm wondering if anyone else feels this has happened to them or other people?

the example in the magazine goes like this:

a recent case of a 14 year old who, trying to fit in with her online friends, invented a facebook persona of herself that was promiscuous and told fake tales of woe at home. unfortunately, she then felt she had to live out this character at school and at parties. she soon became unable to cope with the new persona. the first steps to her recovery, with the help of a counsellor, were to give up Facebook and texting completey.

so yeah my cousin is definitely not the only person to experience this.

there's a danger that some of us are beginning to base our ideas about what a real-life community should be based on our experience of social-based sites. as a consequence, we may present a side of ourselves that we think we ought to act like

pretty self explanatory. i look on tumblr and hear things from it said in real life but i'd probably never have heard without tumblr. it's the same with memes etc. especially on tumblr, groups of people will follow a certain trend. & as we all want to fit in, we probably force ourselves to try to live up to those people. sorry i don't have an example lol.


honesty i'm not a huge fan of everyone using the internet and facebook to depend on. it's really just a popularity competition and there are so much complications but alas i can't not use it because i need to know everything that goes on now. before facebook was so wide spread i could go home from school for the weekend, catch up on whatever i needed and spend that time for myself, not worrying about making myself look good to others. nowadays however it's one click on facebook and you know everyone's whereabouts, their life stories, people can contact you easily and you can write a simple status from your bed about the amazing deeds you've done or the amazing things you're about to do.


the only reason i've made friends outside my circle is because of facebook. a few of my friends don't use it often and when we're out in town they rarely speak to anyone other than us. the rest of us on the other hand have all the gossip from facebook to jump right in and have a conversation with another person and thus make more friends. i know the alcohol helps a little as well because i end up talking to people i don't have on facebook and never spoke to before anyway...


how do social media affect your relationship

do you have a photograph of yourself and your partner as your display picture? do you continually publish images and update about your relationship? this makes it harder to maintain a seperate identity and you risk becoming simply one half of a relationship

this part is so true, i notice with people who are in relationships literally everything they post is to do with their other half or the two of them. it's like showing off your relationships to the world. without facebook it's not like you can brag to everyone about the nice things your boyfriend done or the things that you do together, you even get couples trying to embarrass each other over facebook...maybe i'm old-fashioned but i really prefer a private relationship. all my previous boyfriends haven't used facebook that much and if they did i never set myself as "in a relationship with ___" i might just put "in a relationship" if they asked me to but usually i keep my status off even if i'm single. there's a guy that my friend was dating but he kept making up excuses to change his status from single, surprise surprise he was cheating on her. that way he could pretend he was single when meeting up with people off facebook while still having my friend..

are you facebook friends with your ex? do you check what they're doing? facebook makes it harder for couples to move on from each other once they have split. if the ex-partners remain 'friends' on facebook, often one stalks the other, which in turn influences what information the ex-lover shares online

yup i see this one too often. my best friend split up with her boyfriend. she was having parties every weekend and would make status' telling people to come to hers to party. it resulted in her ex coming over and causing such havoc ie beating up any guys that were near her, knocking on her door at ridiculous hours and smashing things up. not to say everyone is like that because that's just him but i see myself do it too. im a jealous person so seeing exes or close friends talking to other girlsadmittedlypisses me off. & i've had the same happen to me too, having guys commenting on my pictures or page, even a simple 'like' and having exes/boyfriends get paranoid. i don't like when people put private stuff on my page incase someone thinks there's something going on between us. i've been asked by people "what's going on with you and so-and-so" because we tend to like each others status' or comments :S one of my friends ruined a potential relationship because she was so adamant he didn't fancy her but liked someone else - "he always posts on her status therefore he likes her not me". yep completely childish but i have actually heard of others being like this too!

other points the article makes it;

there is evidence that some people find the virtual world so satisfactory that they don't continue to develop themselves in the offline world. their ambitions become for their web selves, rather than their real selves (for example, measuring themselves by the number of virtual friends or followers they have)

yeah this too my cousin that i mentioned before has over 3,000 friends on facebook. real life? she has about 5 friends that she hangs out with on a daily basis. 3 of them she met on facebook. however, on facebook because she has these 3,000 friends when she makes a status she will get a whole of a lot of likes because #1 they don't know her as people remember her & #2 well there's bound to be a few people that do agree and others just conform. but this makes her look popular to those of us that do know her so they feel the need to like her too, hardly anyone would speak out against her until finally one person did and the rest followed. she continually gets an average of 50-100 likes on every little status. then you look at less popular people who say the same thing and get around 10 likes for it. those popular ones who don't get any more than 10 will delete their status. and this is coming from 17/18 year olds etc. i find my older friends don't care as much. my friend who doesn't use facebook much has more followers on twitter than she has friends on facebook. on there, she acts so differently to both her persona on facebook and real llife. she makes herself out to be a "i don't care what people think of me" person that loads of guys stalk when in reality she's the most insecure, cowardly person i know and she says she's jealous of the attention everyone else gets from guys. she puts up stuff there that shes seen other people say elsewhere, essentially stealing other people's personality. (she forgets i have her on twitter..)

maybe there's a type of people that are more likely to change their personalities but honestly i think we're all a little guilty of it.

the good side?

in my opinion the good thing about facebook and the internet is that you can show your good side that people might not know of because they only know what they've heard. however, that's still a bad side because you can big yourself up to make you seem nicer than you are. for example, if something bad happens in real life you can use your facebook to 'explain' it and make yourself out to be the victim. seen it done before. while it's a good thing for you it's just manipulating everyone else.

Felix Cohen from social media consultancy Headshift believes people are not changing their identities online but merely expressing their lives differently. the swiftness of building up an identity online and the fast pace of digital communication can also help people behave more efficiently offline. 'it empowers the person sitting at the computer desk and can even serve as an incentive to become more assertive, effective and efficient offline as well'

i mean i definitely agree with this it can be a good confidence builder, if you pretend online that you're confident and funny then people will believe that's the case in real life too, especially to those that know of you but don't really know you. but that can also be bad because if you act like you're this amazing, confident and charismatic person online then fail to not live up to it, it's probably quite embarrassing.

there's a lot more i could say and i'm sure people will pick out the flaws for me so i'll just ask a few questions unless you wanna make other points.

1) do you think your personality online is the same as your offline personality?
2) which personality is more 'you'
3) do you think how you act online affects your real life personality?

for me personally i really dunno cause i spend more time online than i probably do offline and i've used the internet on a daily basis for years. i act differently whether it's on the forum, on facebook or offline. i change the way i act depending the situation, the relationship i have with the person i'm talking to or the amount of alcohol i have in me (A) generally i feel i'm most myself on here (cause how often am i gonna find people that like anime/manga/asian music in real life and its not like i can talk about my ridiculous mental instability on facebook) or when i'm with my closest friends and family. not really sure about facebook i tend to keep my mouth shut much more than on here because i know there are worse consequences and i don't really make statuses because i know no-one cares anyway. i usually just comment on someones status to say i agree with them instead then add my little input, i get more 'likes' that way and get to say my point knowing that someone will back me up :whistle:i'm almost always MYSELF (or what i believe is myself) when i talk one on one with someone, where no-one else can see what i'm saying or who i am, someone elses presence influences what i say or do quite a lot of the time sadly
THOUGHTS

Thread moved by Infectious (Forum Moderator): From "Discuss Anything", as it is better suited here!

[beth]

this is an interesting thread jen, i v enjoyed reading yr post.

1. yes, i am completely the same, if anything i'm slightly more reserved online because i am such a PHYSICAL person (as in i'm always joking around, doing things with my hands LMAO SOUNDS SO BAD like gesturing and stuff) and you can't DO that online. i've always had a massively hard time understanding people on the internet. when i was at school it was myspace rather than facebook but there was this girl in my year who didn't really talk to us (i guess when you think about it me and my group of friends were like the 'popular' group, it sounds bigheaded but that's just the way it was) and then on myspace she was our best friends and she'd speak to us all the time but she'd blank us in the school corridor. and i just COULDN'T understand it.
i hate the idea that some of the people who are outspoken on here wouldn't say anything irl because it seems fake. i wouldn't know how to manufacture myself into someone else online, i don't think it's in my nature.

2) i'm very much the same offline as i am online.

3) i think my awareness of the internet does affect my real life considerably, a lot of my friends don't go any further into the internet than facebook and ebay and they're fascinated by sites such as 4chan and chatroulette and they think i'm weird for knowing about these things and knowing where to look for stuff online, so i do kinda tone down how much i use the internet to my friends.

[cocaine]

i think the internet has helped those with low self esteem and anxiety issues massively. the rise of facebook/twitter/myspace (lol what's myspace again?) helped those connect with people they normally wouldn't i.e., higher/different groups in the social hierarchy. yet i think it's only to an extent that people should change themselves online. my attitude's changed a lot since joining here but i can't solely attribute it to habbox forum/facebook/bebo (lol bebo?). i think it was just a change of people growing older and maturing since the majority of facebook and indeed hxf users are early/late teens, with the exception of flyingjesus and alwayshard, who are respectively coffin dodgers.

in response to your questions, attitude wise i'm exactly the same in real life as i am on here, and yep i have masses of friends it's just you have to have the knowledge of knowing what's appropriate to behave like around different people. on here i assume everyone's up for a laugh and won't cry too hard over anything anyone says to one another. i think anyone whose personality differs to a great extent on-and-offline should perhaps get themselves checked out idk. if you have to change yourself that bad to try and fit in with a bunch of probably smelly, unwashing internet randomers then you may have some underlying issues you'd like to sit and talk over with, in company of a psychiatrist on one of her funny chairs you lie down on. only kidding. don't try and act differently to different people. it won't work.

p.s. i hear them chairs are incredibly comfy

[GoldenMerc]

No its not taking over my life because the person I am on the internet is the same has i am in real life so no change on personality

[Inseriousity.]

My personality online is completely different to offline. I'm more likely to say what I think online than offline cos e-punches don't hurt, to put it bluntly. There's also the advantage that you can go back and delete stuff you don't want to say (lol I've backtracked on this post several times) whereas you can't do that irl. Everything you say is out there and there's no edit/backspace button to take it back so I am a lot more reserved with what I say irl sometimes to the point of being very silent.in real life, it'slooks first, personality second. Everyone judges you based on what you look like primarily and then the personality aspect comes later if said people give you the time of day/approve/not intimidated byyour looks.On the internet, it's personality first and looks never. You don't have to post pictures of yourself if you don't want to.

Despite that, my internet 'persona' (I actually think I'm more myself online) has started to creep intoreal life. I used to just stay mostly silent during class and now I'm more likely to stand up and say what I think and that's cos I take part in hx feedback/arguing with general management(grr rep quota)/current affairs forum but that's mostly it tbh.I tend to care too much what people think of me irl cos you have to be around them whether you like it or not whereas I couldn't give a toss what people think of me online cos you can choose to block them etc.

[sophiethenerd]

First point. Nice thread

I think you sort of have to act differently to an extent. On the internet I kinda let my self be a bit more sarcastic like I am at home. At school or onFacebookI spend more timedesperatelytrying not to offend anyone because theconsequencesare more severe. On here people just report you to a mod :p
Also I think how people describe you on the internet has an affect. People have told me that I am "cute" and consider me innocent. So I act more naive than I am unknowingly, in order to fit in with what they think I am. And so you create a persona that you slip into(unknowingly) whenever you go onto certain sites.
At one point two years ago I had literally no friends. And I think using the internet helps you build up that self confidence and give you human contact. Sometimes I would go through a day talking to only two people , my mum and my dad, and talking to others on the net helps build up social skills that everyone needs.

[RyRy]

I totally love this debate Jen I get exactly what you mean yknow, but in response to q 1, 2 and 3:

1) It never used to be, I never used to be a ***** or anything and in fact I didn't really give a **** about anybody else but myself, but my online personality was much the opposite where I cared so much about what people thought and how they were and yknow I got bullied for it sure but also the confident side of it has very much become a part of my offline personality where i shout, get naked (its like tinychat really) and ye am just spontaneous now whereas i used to be a shy little geek who never went out... guess i have a lot to thank the internet in a way!!!!

2) like i said, my personalities have kind of merged into one, but i end up looking two faced at the same time where i can be a ***** and then i can be really nice in the space of 5 minutes, sounds almost bipolar really. its a hard q because the online and offline me have developed into a "new me".

3) yes, wel iit used to be where id get so riled up online that id be so upset offline, now i can kinda seperate the two where things that are going on online no longer affect me offline which is nice, puttin that wall between the two yano. but yeah i definetly agree it has affected my real life personality for better and for worse.

godd this is a lovely topic.

[FlyingJesus]

I don't really see how the two could not affect each other, they're both part of you even if they're very different, and all experiences and thought patterns have at least some influence on your overall persona. For me the difference isn't whether I'm online or offline it's just a case of toning down some aspects around certain groups (a little less flamboyant with my football team, a little less abusive with people I don't know so well, a little less lively with older people, a little less everything with family) and that's just human really. I think too much emphasis is put on the whole "BE YOURSELF!!!" thing that celebs, the media and peers try to perpetuate (while actually meaning "be yourself as long as it's things that I like") when in all factuality there's nothing wrong with knowing when to be a bit of a chameleon

[dbgtz]

1) Kinda... It's explained in the next 2.

2) Well the real me, on the internet (well mainly Habbo) I sometimes went and just went out of character as it was fun.

3) Not to begin with, when I first started using le internet when I was 10 I was much different. Now I air my views much more then I did back then and would now stand up for anything I believed in than just follow what I am told. However that could have just been age.

I think people who blindly add people on facebook or any social networking site without having had a decent conversation with them for years is just stupid (the only except I would see to this is following celebrities or companies). Everyone I add on facebook I have spoken to recently (at the time of adding) and do not dislike them and this whole "adding friends at the click of a button" is really absurd. The only real reason I use facebook is so that I don't have to text people which proves very useful. Some people just need to turn down their screens brightness as they're getting blinded and cannot see the real picture.

[Samantha]

1) do you think your personality online is the same as your offline personality?
2) which personality is more 'you'
3) do you think how you act online affects your real life personality?

1. Near enough the same I would think, the only difference is I use more powerful language such as swearing online than I do offline (could be due to the fact my parents do not condone it and I feel it's a dirty habit.) I am also shy with some people in real life therefore, online I am more outgoing and speak my mind more.

2. The offline personality is more me as I have always been a quiet person who can be loud when she wants to be.

3. I don't think it affects it because if it did I feel I would be more outspoken now in real life then I actually am.