Got a lil' problem..
For the past nine years I have built a wonderful network of friendships (both online and ITOH {In The Other Life}) and, probably, during this time, I had one of the most interesting and memorable experiences and adventures anyone could ever have ! I went through a lot of not-so-comfy disagreements... I cried a lot too, but on that same step, I also had high doses of joy and dopamine via a true partnership that I can firmly consider to be sincere and deserving of being maintained, even in spite of my dementing, suspicious thoughts, right in the beginning.
But the real question that is now the reason for my concerns is that their friendship and level of interest summarily became the essential factor that determines how well I'm bound to feel, in general. As if I were entirely dependent. A happy day is a day when I can grasp even if only crumbs from their affection, and even I feel like I need a degree of luck to achieve this, even though I know they actually love me . The problem is that, at some point, I started to love them in the same way that three people roped in one would do, and I completely unlearned to find joy in my own company, as I used to ALWAYS do in the past. This is consuming a fair amount of my daily energies and if I'm not working or making a piece of art... I'm basically and mostly thinking about them, and hoping that, in the end of the night, everything will work out
Any tips on.... how to... recover the feeling of completeness, even when I'm only by myself?