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  1. #1
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    TinyFroggy

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    Default Is my gf cheating?

    So, I kinda have a problem with my gf rn. We had a big argument a month ago whether we wanna really continue our relationship or not. She said she actually had a feeling to this guy, a friend of her. So she ended up confessing to him but he said he doesn't really felt the same way. So she apologized to me and we continued our relationship. I just asked her that if she ever feel anything like that to another guy, she should've just told me rather than leave me in the blank. I can't deal with that if it happens for the second time.

    Things go smoothly up until last week when she posted an instastory of her and that guy doing a marathon. I replied that insta story with "Hurm." and her answer was this "We didn't go just two of us ". I am not sure how to handle that.

    Why does she has to take a pic just two of them altho she said she didn't just go with him. And then she has some nerve to post it online. I never actually posted myself and another girl online, since we dated although I have a lot of female friends. Out of respect. Out of loyalty.

    I just don't get it.

  2. #2
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    Honestly mate, end it.

    I've been in your situation, when a relationship gets like this, in my experience and the experiences of loads of other people I know... There is often never a scenario where it ends up as a happily ever after.
    In my opinion, if you truly love someone then you don't allow yourself to get into a situation where you start developing falling for someone else, you should solely be devoted to the person you love, and everyone else you meet is purely a platonic relationship. Obviously when in a relationship you'll think about others in a sexual way, much like when you announce your celebrity crushes, however having a sexual desire towards someone and developing feelings are 2 completely different things. One is a mere physical attraction, and the other is both physical and emotional due to personality, mannerisms and characteristics.

    If you've allowed yourself to get close to someone enough to start developing feelings for that person then you've known for a long time where this was heading in your mind, which I think is wrong, if you truly love someone then you stop seeing that person, by continuing to see that person, you are effectively saying "I'll see how this relationship on the side works out as a friend and hopefully it'll develop into something more, which if it does then I'll dump xxx and go out with them instead"

    The hardest thing I did was end my 5 year relationship due to cheating.. I so badly wanted to keep hold of what we once had, and I kept reminding myself of the good times we had together, completely ignoring what she had done to me, assuming I could just brush it under the rug and forget about it, but it's not something that can be forgotten, and trust is something that can never fully be restored again, ever. Once I got over the initial shock and actually took time to think about it, I think I only tried to keep the relationship alive because I spent the last 5 years with her, I knew her whole family, I was closer to her family than I was my own, I lived her with... If things ended, then all of a sudden my whole life would change, and I don't think I was ready for such a drastic change in my life, but after looking back on it all, I seriously can't believe that I even thought for a second that it would work out. So believe me when I say that if you've got to the stage in your relationship now where the trust has gone then it's not really worth it. Unless of course you have kids together or have been married like 20+ years lol.



    There's another shooting today, and this one was bad
    I'm glad that we all hope and pray, but it takes more than that
    We've been trying, we've been crying
    Hoping that they will do more than keep lying
    I need to believe that people can change
    Or else this life has all been in vain
    What's the point of fighting if we're fighting for a lie?

    I'm not senDing sublimInal messagEs to rule breakers

  3. #3
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    TinyFroggy

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    I just don't know dude. She is all what I've been seeking in my future wife. Even before I met her, I've said to my friends, what kind of girl I want to have. And my friend would say it's absurd to hope that in a girl. And then she come. in the most unbelievable way. She is a gem.

    And now, I just don't know. It's her first mistake though. But I am not sure. I kinda agree with what you said. But I don't think I have the will to do so. I'm afraid that one day, I'm gonna be asking myself, "why?"

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by TinyFroggy View Post
    I just don't know dude. She is all what I've been seeking in my future wife. Even before I met her, I've said to my friends, what kind of girl I want to have. And my friend would say it's absurd to hope that in a girl. And then she come. in the most unbelievable way. She is a gem.

    And now, I just don't know. It's her first mistake though. But I am not sure. I kinda agree with what you said. But I don't think I have the will to do so. I'm afraid that one day, I'm gonna be asking myself, "why?"
    I feel you, I honestly do. I guess only you can decide if you're ready to pack in the reigns, but I've given you my experience and the experience of a lot of people I know, and I believe that it won't work out. Maybe it will this time, but what about next time this happens? If she has got that mentality that what she is doing is okay, and you're letting her off each time, she knows she'll get away with it, thus will keep doing it. They say the person who loves the least controls the relationship. She is effectively indirectly telling you that you are worth losing, she is willing to take the risk that you'll leave her and end everything you both have been through throughout the years for this other person, where normally it's the initial spark that attracts people, they call it the honeymoon phase, whereby when you first start seeing someone you're all lovey-dovey with each other, but it's not real, it lasts a few weeks or so before it's over. But by even entertaining the idea of getting into a relationship which will evidently lead to that when you're currently with someone else is wrong and in my mind if you've done it once then it won't end.

    But you go do you buddy, do what feels right, just try to bring logic into this and not think with your heart or other various body organs haha.



    There's another shooting today, and this one was bad
    I'm glad that we all hope and pray, but it takes more than that
    We've been trying, we've been crying
    Hoping that they will do more than keep lying
    I need to believe that people can change
    Or else this life has all been in vain
    What's the point of fighting if we're fighting for a lie?

    I'm not senDing sublimInal messagEs to rule breakers

  5. #5
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    I get you, thank you so much for the sharing. I appreciate it. I really do. And I'm not the kind of guy who falls for the same mistake twice. I am just giving her a chance and it's gonna be only once. I hope I will stick to being that guy. If not, well, I'm doomed. Lmao. I don't wanna get a heartbreak yet I don't want to wonder all the possibilities of what might have been and could be.

  6. #6
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    I suppose this old saying is reversed for this situation.
    Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

    Make sure there is no twice.



    There's another shooting today, and this one was bad
    I'm glad that we all hope and pray, but it takes more than that
    We've been trying, we've been crying
    Hoping that they will do more than keep lying
    I need to believe that people can change
    Or else this life has all been in vain
    What's the point of fighting if we're fighting for a lie?

    I'm not senDing sublimInal messagEs to rule breakers

  7. #7
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    Ok story time...

    So, I was in the same situation as your girlfriend, but it was brought on by my now ex boyfriend (he was controlling, patronising, lied and told me stuff was ok when it wasn't etc.) I spoke to this person we both worked with on Facebook (I spoke to him because my boyfriend was borrowing something off him and he was meant to give the item - a hard drive to me), he was just a colleague nothing more and then I realised that feelings were potentially arousing, and I found out that this guy liked me as well. I am not a cheater and wouldn't cheat on anyone, the feelings I had for my boyfriend were more powerful (but in the end I found that they were only more powerful because he was controlling and had me right where he wanted me). My boyfriend told me it was fine to like someone else whilst in a relationship and that it didn't mean anything, so that was fair enough, and he felt similar about another girl we worked with, but nothing would come of it because our relationship was stronger. My boyfriend told me I could hang out with this guy as a friend that was no problem (like I said I'm not a cheater, I couldn't physically do it I would have to come clean immediately if I messed up like that). However, my boyfriend lied and it was actually a problem if I hung around with this guy (seriously if you're going to lie to me and say it's fine when it's not you're not worth the time of day).

    I hung out with this guy once - we went shopping for my boyfriend's Valentine's Day presents, bit weird I know but it was nice hanging out with a friend! This was in February 2014 and my boyfriend decided to break up with me because of this boy in March of the same year (I'm not entirely sure why, he knew I wouldn't cheat and he knew our relationship was better than this guy at the time). During this time I went on a night out with work in April (I hung around with my ex, this guy and this girl my ex liked and we had a good night), the guy who liked me kissed me, my boyfriend knew he'd try something on, but at the end of the day I was single and I could do whatever I liked. We then went on another night out in July, this time my ex wasn't present and the person kissed me again (again not a problem I was single), the day after this happened my ex asked me out again. I wouldn't give him an answer straight away and he was pressuring me and giving me an ultimatum - I was a bit like Triz in that situation, I didn't want my life to change because I wouldn't really know what to do. So after a few hours (much to his anger/upset that it took me so long to decide) we started going out again. A couple of weeks later I went on holiday and came back to my boyfriend being off with me, accusing me of not being honest with him about the guy and this other night out (which why would it matter WE WERE NOT TOGETHER so it's none of his business), but because he was controlling, I had already told him the truth before we started going out again anyway!

    Roll on to December 2014 - this guy drunk texts me and I inform my boyfriend, my boyfriend texts me the next day or so saying he had a word with the guy to not drunk text me again. I had a bad feeling about it, and it turns out my boyfriend had threatened the guy by saying "Text her again and I'll **** smash your face in." this guy complained about my boyfriend (my boyfriend was in the management team at the time) and he got fired for it. Our relationship continued but in August 2015 (when I was on holiday again), my boyfriend told me "I may not say I love you, but I'll always care about you." what the hell does that mean? At this point, I felt I had nothing to lose and it was just a waiting game for him to break up with me, I knew where it was heading, but I didn't want it to! He broke up with me in November 2015, literally the only reason he broke up with me was because I didn't get a passport, so many questions but never answered and an awful reason to break up with someone.

    Now when my boyfriend got sacked in December 2014, this guy and I had no further contact apart from working with each other until December 2015. In December 2015 he knew I wasn't with this guy anymore (I had a small relationship after my ex but it didn't last as weirdly enough this guy got fired too but for a different reason). So this guy added me again in December and honestly it felt like we hadn't stopped talking - this is mainly the moral of the story. This guy and I began talking again and two months after we got together (February 2016), there was nothing stopping us, no controlling exes, nothing and we're still together 2 years and 9 months later. What I'm saying is, if she has developed feelings for someone, she may not act on them out of loyalty and the fact she doesn't want to be branded a cheater (it might be different, I would never have acted on feelings I had because I didn't believe they were proper ones to begin with). However, I think if she likes this person then he wouldn't hang out with her as much if he didn't feel the same way, he knows how she feels, this guy is either playing with her emotions or feels the same way, it's just up to you what happens next. Unfortunately, you could lose your relationship because of it, but if it doesn't 100% feel right then she probably isn't the one for you, and she might just end up with that guy in a few years anyway!

    Edit: I forgot to say, that my ex boyfriend actually told me a few months into our relationship that he didn't see us being together forever and that he thought that me and this guy would make a good couple lmao.
    Last edited by Samantha; 20-11-2018 at 08:52 PM.
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  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha View Post
    My boyfriend told me it was fine to like someone else whilst in a relationship and that it didn't mean anything, so that was fair enough, and he felt similar about another girl we worked with, but nothing would come of it because our relationship was stronger. My boyfriend told me I could hang out with this guy as a friend that was no problem
    I guess it's impossible to judge fully as to what someones intentions are, especially as we're sitting here behind a screen and only have limited information. However based on your situation you did the right thing and effectively got the nod from the boyfriend to (not pursue him as a lover) but rather to befriend him. As I honestly do believe that people can have platonic type relationships yet still be madly head over heels for someone, generally that's called life, and just because someone doesn't like you back, doesn't mean you should cut ties with them altogether right?

    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha View Post
    A couple of weeks later I went on holiday and came back to my boyfriend being off with me, accusing me of not being honest with him about the guy and this other night out (which why would it matter WE WERE NOT TOGETHER


    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha View Post
    What I'm saying is, if she has developed feelings for someone, she may not act on them out of loyalty and the fact she doesn't want to be branded a cheater (it might be different, I would never have acted on feelings I had because I didn't believe they were proper ones to begin with). However, I think if she likes this person then he wouldn't hang out with her as much if he didn't feel the same way, he knows how she feels, this guy is either playing with her emotions or feels the same way
    100% agree with this. Developing feelings and acting upon them are 2 different things and I wouldn't call anyone a cheater for hanging out with someone who you potentially like, but I do believe that if you like someone and fear it may lead into something else then I think you need to question your relationship with the other person as it's clearly not as strong as you thought.

    Happy to hear you've got a happy ending to your story Samantha!



    There's another shooting today, and this one was bad
    I'm glad that we all hope and pray, but it takes more than that
    We've been trying, we've been crying
    Hoping that they will do more than keep lying
    I need to believe that people can change
    Or else this life has all been in vain
    What's the point of fighting if we're fighting for a lie?

    I'm not senDing sublimInal messagEs to rule breakers

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sectional View Post
    I guess it's impossible to judge fully as to what someones intentions are, especially as we're sitting here behind a screen and only have limited information. However based on your situation you did the right thing and effectively got the nod from the boyfriend to (not pursue him as a lover) but rather to befriend him. As I honestly do believe that people can have platonic type relationships yet still be madly head over heels for someone, generally that's called life, and just because someone doesn't like you back, doesn't mean you should cut ties with them altogether right?







    100% agree with this. Developing feelings and acting upon them are 2 different things and I wouldn't call anyone a cheater for hanging out with someone who you potentially like, but I do believe that if you like someone and fear it may lead into something else then I think you need to question your relationship with the other person as it's clearly not as strong as you thought.

    Happy to hear you've got a happy ending to your story Samantha!
    When we broke up the first time he told me he would never go on a break with me and mess me around like that when we broke up the 2nd time he actually said "I want to go on a break for a bit" which was going back on his word.

    Yeah when I was in school my best friend was a boy, we used to be so close we'd sit next to each other in class and no feelings were there at all, everyone thought we were going out (we were 11 at the time, I wasn't interested in a boyfriend and didn't have a proper one until I was 17), but they didn't understand back then that I could be friends with a guy and not be with him, madness haha.

    Thank you! Happiest I've been in a long time and it's still going very well .

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha View Post
    When we broke up the first time he told me he would never go on a break with me and mess me around like that when we broke up the 2nd time he actually said "I want to go on a break for a bit" which was going back on his word.

    Yeah when I was in school my best friend was a boy, we used to be so close we'd sit next to each other in class and no feelings were there at all, everyone thought we were going out (we were 11 at the time, I wasn't interested in a boyfriend and didn't have a proper one until I was 17), but they didn't understand back then that I could be friends with a guy and not be with him, madness haha.

    Thank you! Happiest I've been in a long time and it's still going very well .
    Yeah I get that. My best friend in school was a girl and everyone thought we were dating as well, but I honestly didn't have feelings for her, but apparently that's unheard of, people assume that a guy can't be friends with a girl, like they think all guys have ulterior motives to befriend a girl, and we're playing the long game with a secret agenda? ... I mean granted, we did date, but we were young and it lasted a few weeks, felt like I was dating my sister, it was weird. I guess we tried to see if there was anything there, but there wasn't - I still speak to her to this day, she is now happily married and has been for 8 years now.

    Sadly there is no happy ending for me yet, I'll update you if and when this occurs lol.



    There's another shooting today, and this one was bad
    I'm glad that we all hope and pray, but it takes more than that
    We've been trying, we've been crying
    Hoping that they will do more than keep lying
    I need to believe that people can change
    Or else this life has all been in vain
    What's the point of fighting if we're fighting for a lie?

    I'm not senDing sublimInal messagEs to rule breakers

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