Tell a joke!

[lawrawrrr]

keep the thread going with a joke


my first entry:


a main walks into a seafood store carrying a cod under his arm
"do you make fish cakes" he asked the man behind the counter
"er, yes we do" says the fishmonger
"fantastic" said the man. "it's his birthday"

hehe

[Triz]

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!"

[-:Undertaker:-]

why did the squirrel scream

because someone pinched his nuts

[FlyingJesus]

What kind of bees make milk?

Boo bees

[scatterbox]

What's E.T. short for?

Because he's got little legs.

[TinyFroggy]

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?

Because the P is silent.

[Triz]

"Why Men don't write for Advice Columns"

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving
my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more
than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When
I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a
neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband
is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back
yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her
unconscious. He’d carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed,
and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and
kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But
when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down
and admitted that he’d been having an affair for the past six months. I
told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been
feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but
ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

Dear Sheila

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused
by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is
no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and
hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If
none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel
pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburator
float chamber.


I hope this helps.

Walter.