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Thread: Tell a joke!

  1. #1
    lawrawrrr's Avatar
    lawrawrrr is offline live long and suck it ☮
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    Default Tell a joke!

    keep the thread going with a joke


    my first entry:


    a main walks into a seafood store carrying a cod under his arm
    "do you make fish cakes" he asked the man behind the counter
    "er, yes we do" says the fishmonger
    "fantastic" said the man. "it's his birthday"

    hehe




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    Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
    The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"
    Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!"



    I deserve to be alright, I deserve to sleep at night
    I'm my closest friend, I remind myself again
    Better treat him well, cause he's with me till the end


    I'm not senDing sublimInal messagEs to rule breakers

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    -:Undertaker:-'s Avatar
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    why did the squirrel scream

    because someone pinched his nuts



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    FlyingJesus's Avatar
    FlyingJesus is offline Events Manager
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    What kind of bees make milk?

    Boo bees
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    What's E.T. short for?

    Because he's got little legs.

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    Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?

    Because the P is silent.

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    "Why Men don't write for Advice Columns"

    Dear Walter,

    I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving
    my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more
    than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car
    shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When
    I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a
    neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband
    is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.

    When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back
    yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her
    unconscious. He’d carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed,
    and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and
    kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But
    when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down
    and admitted that he’d been having an affair for the past six months. I
    told him to stop or I would leave him.

    He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been
    feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but
    ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
    I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

    Sincerely,
    Sheila

    Quote Originally Posted by Walter;
    Dear Sheila

    A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused
    by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is
    no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and
    hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If
    none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel
    pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburator
    float chamber.


    I hope this helps.

    Walter.
    Last edited by Sectional; 01-12-2018 at 08:56 AM.



    I deserve to be alright, I deserve to sleep at night
    I'm my closest friend, I remind myself again
    Better treat him well, cause he's with me till the end


    I'm not senDing sublimInal messagEs to rule breakers

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