Death

[-:Undertaker:-]

Interesting question... how do you deal/how have you dealt with death?

Now, I am 26 years old... and the only 'close' death I have experienced was my grandmother at like age 9/10. And we were probably the closest I have ever been to someone. Since then, I haven't suffered deaths apart from my great-grandmothers at like age 11/12.

Now, I think I am a strong person but I don't think I am over that death really when I really think about it. Being that age, I didn't understand it - the finality of it - and I am *blessed* with my three grandparents aged 88, 84 and 84 since then. But it's a constant weight on my mind. I am constantly worrying about them, and being abroad now makes it x10 harder... so I wondered, how have you coped as a person in relation to death?

Whilst it's inevitable, often I wish it was me first as even the thought of it is unbearable to me. The very thought feels like amputation.


How have you coped/have you coped? - with deaths?

[Triz]

Thankfully I have not yet, currently 26 as well.

I've known people who have died, such as my Granddad, but I think in all my life I probably saw him less than 10 times, and those were mainly in my child years, so I don't exactly remember him much, so when he passed, I went to his funeral, but only because it was my dads dad, I had no feelings about his death, it was just like going to a strangers funeral, which I suppose is sad in a way, but clearly he didn't make the time with me when I was a kid, and clearly my dad didn't take the time to take me to see him etc..

I've never had anyone close to me pass away, and to be honest I'm really dreading it, like I don't know how I'd react or how I would cope.

[Samantha]

I've lost a total of 5 aunties and 2 uncles to cancer. I lost another uncle from a fall (3 storey house, fell from a ladder). I lost my nanny (the only grandparent I knew) in 2011 as well, she had dementia but I think it was just her time to go unfortunately! Also, weirdly enough my nanny's brother died 5 years to the day that she passed as well. Her funeral was the first I went to, I was 17 at the time.

I first lost someone in 2002, I was 7 years old. I remember getting a picture of her and crying, and one of myself and crying as well. I'm not sure who told me about death though, I don't remember anyone ever telling me that at some point we all die. Those two times I cried were the only times I grieved so to speak (I'm not heartless, I just think about death in a different way).

The only other times I've ever grieved for someone was when I saw my nanny in the chapel of rest, and in the crematorium - I got told to say goodbye, and that seems too final for me, so it upset me a lot. I also unfortunately watched one of my aunties pass away, and I was the only one who didn't cry there, I cried as soon as I saw my boyfriend instead, I think I just needed comfort and obviously my family were also grieving so they couldn't provide that at the time.

I did have a grandad (saw him once when I was a couple of months old), don't care for him in the slightest (with good reason) so his death is nothing to me.

So a little thing about my grieving process, or how I handle death - I don't tend to get upset even though it does hurt. I just believe those that have died, haven't if that makes sense. I believe there still here but I just haven't seen them in a long time, obviously I know they're dead, but that's just the way I see it.

[RuthOnToast]

I remember when i were about 14/15 and i a lot my friends were losing grandparents and all that and thinking how lucky i were to have all my family alive and well but id often be stressed over losing them. Id be more worried about how my parents would cope tho not myself i hate when people get all sad and emotional.

However my life of not having any close relatives dying changed way back in august 2012 when my dad suddenly died from a stroke. I were just 16 stressing over leaving school and starting college so the idea of that i could lose my dad wasn't really the at the top of my life of things to worry about. I don't really remember how i felt at the time and i had no idea how to deal with it. me my mum and my brother were with him over night till about 4am when he finally passed away. My sister and brother in law came after and we just sat there in some starting to suggest what we would do for his funeral.

My parents had split up so i think the fact i didn't live my dad mad it slightly easier but its been nearly 7 years now and i still struggle to cope with it. Last year we lost both my granddads practically at the same time they had both been in hospital for months slowly getting worst and worst so it wasn't really a surprise. But it didn't really bother me that much not because i wasn't close to my granddads but 1 were 90 the other 87 and had been slowly getting more and more sick and with their age it just seem a right time and it meant they wasn't suffering anymore.

My way of coping with death tho is to ignore it and ignore all your feelings about it and carry on with life but i don't think its a very affect way of going about it.

[tbl]

I've lost people close to me and with each death I've dealt with it differently.

My parents forced me to go see a therapist when my sister passed away. It wasn't the first time I've been to a therapist, but it was different than any previous therapy session. While some of the coping strategies the therapist shared were helpful, I ended up quitting because I didn't feel like I was getting much out of it. I had friends that tried keeping my mind busy, but I cried a lot.

When my Mom passed away, other than crying a lot, I kind of just shut other people out.

When one of my close friends passed away, my friend group got together and went to his funeral. On the drive to his funeral we all just shared all the funny things that had happened over the years. Each year for his birthday, we all get together at his favorite restaurant and just talk about him.

I'm not good at coping with death because it always feels like your world is put on pause while everyone else's seems to keep going. I'm also like Ruth where it's just easier to ignore it and pretend its not happening. Compartmentalizing is honestly probably the only way I've ever 'coped.'

[Sian]

I've only ever lost my grandad and honestly it didn't seem to bother me? I've always been comfortable with it, as my family very openly talk and joke about it all, it will happen and I look forward to my own.

Obviously I miss him like hell though and would miss anyone, and I certainly don't like the idea of having to watch my loved ones suffer