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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sectional View Post
    I never understand the people that cheat. Even if it's them cheating on the current partner for you, you're just setting yourself up for failure, because if they're capable of doing that to someone else, then they're capable of doing it to you as well.

    Once a cheat always a cheat in my eyes.

    Though I do think you owe it to yourself to at least try and not throw away X years relationship in the blink of an eye, even if you're 99% sure it's not going to work, I say at least try until you realise that it's 100% not going to work, then you can say you did you're best and didn't discard the relationship like you met yesterday.
    You're just wasting both of your time though, as it will eventually fall apart and you're just delaying that, when you could be looking elsewhere as could they.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sectional View Post
    I never understand the people that cheat. Even if it's them cheating on the current partner for you, you're just setting yourself up for failure, because if they're capable of doing that to someone else, then they're capable of doing it to you as well.

    Once a cheat always a cheat in my eyes.

    Though I do think you owe it to yourself to at least try and not throw away X years relationship in the blink of an eye, even if you're 99% sure it's not going to work, I say at least try until you realise that it's 100% not going to work, then you can say you did you're best and didn't discard the relationship like you met yesterday.
    I agree with your first bit! I don't understand why people cheat - if you're even considering it then be the bigger person and break up with your current partner as no one deserves it and your partner deserves respect. Also, if you cheat on someone you're going to be the one who is painted out to be the bad person (and rightly so), not your partner.

    I know someone who cheated with someone on a night out, the girl was warned about it and told that he had a girlfriend. The original couple broke up because of it and the girl he cheated on her with ended up with him. Ironically (allegedly) they are no longer together because the girl cheated on him - I don't condone it at all, but that karma. I also don't understand how relationships can work if that level of trust was already broken. I know someone who got married (female), but went out of their way to cheat on them beforehand (multiple times including the hen party) and then they cheated again after they got married. Safe to say the guy finally got rid of her and is probably doing so much better now. Not sure how he allowed it for so long, but like I said it's up to them and their personal views.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by scottish View Post
    You're just wasting both of your time though, as it will eventually fall apart and you're just delaying that, when you could be looking elsewhere as could they.
    Probably yeah, but I just remember how I felt when my ex cheated on me, I had all my friends telling me that it wouldn't work because the trust is gone, but I needed to get to that clarification on my own.. I learn by my own mistakes, I'm not sure should I get cheated on again, I'll need to go through that again, or if I'll just break it off right away, but here's hoping that I won't have to ever find out lol

    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha View Post
    I agree with your first bit! I don't understand why people cheat - if you're even considering it then be the bigger person and break up with your current partner as no one deserves it and your partner deserves respect. Also, if you cheat on someone you're going to be the one who is painted out to be the bad person (and rightly so), not your partner.

    I know someone who cheated with someone on a night out, the girl was warned about it and told that he had a girlfriend. The original couple broke up because of it and the girl he cheated on her with ended up with him. Ironically (allegedly) they are no longer together because the girl cheated on him - I don't condone it at all, but that karma. I also don't understand how relationships can work if that level of trust was already broken. I know someone who got married (female), but went out of their way to cheat on them beforehand (multiple times including the hen party) and then they cheated again after they got married. Safe to say the guy finally got rid of her and is probably doing so much better now. Not sure how he allowed it for so long, but like I said it's up to them and their personal views.
    Yeah. Starting a relationship with the foundations of cheating is just a recipe for disaster. To be honest I should have seen the red flags with my ex as she cheated on her last bf with someone else who I knew, before eventually falling for me, so I kinda saw it first hand that she was capable of doing that, but I guess you always think they'll never do that to me..

    Lesson learned though I guess.



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  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sectional View Post
    Probably yeah, but I just remember how I felt when my ex cheated on me, I had all my friends telling me that it wouldn't work because the trust is gone, but I needed to get to that clarification on my own.. I learn by my own mistakes, I'm not sure should I get cheated on again, I'll need to go through that again, or if I'll just break it off right away, but here's hoping that I won't have to ever find out lol



    Yeah. Starting a relationship with the foundations of cheating is just a recipe for disaster. To be honest I should have seen the red flags with my ex as she cheated on her last bf with someone else who I knew, before eventually falling for me, so I kinda saw it first hand that she was capable of doing that, but I guess you always think they'll never do that to me..

    Lesson learned though I guess.
    With the first bit about getting clarification on your own, I understand what you mean. When I was with my ex, people felt they couldn't talk to me and tell me he was chatting to them because I probably wouldn't have believed them. I needed to find out on my own and go through that experience - we were together for a year and half and he broke up with me over text, that's when I found out about him messaging others. If I had have found out before he broke up with me, I probably wouldn't have ended it even though the trust wasn't there anyway.

    For the second bit, luckily I've never been with someone who was a cheat, and hopefully I never will. However, I see relationships that start on that basis and you could say leopards don't change their spots or maybe that someone they're with now is special. I know someone who was willing to cheat on their girlfriend with me, but I wouldn't trust them if they did that and I definitely wouldn't look for a relationship with them.

    I know someone who has multiple personality disorder, he used to lie to everyone and you always had to take what he said with a pinch of salt. He is with someone and I don't understand how they can trust him as a person, I know it might not be his fault 100%, but I don't think I could cope not knowing what he was and wasn't lying about.

  5. #15
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    Lads surely anyone is capable of cheating what with y'know free will and everything. Anyone who's everyone is capable of cheating. I don't agree with this whole "once a cheater always a cheater" stuff; that just seems like such a narrow minded, black and white perspective that shoves a whole tonne of people under one label. I've never been cheated on or cheated but I assume infidelity must actually be a massive grey area and you'd be foolish to ignore that.

    I think a relationship can work without trust, but only short term and as long as you're both still actively working on rebuilding that trust. Obviously as other people have said there are lines that, once crossed, you're probably not gonna be able to come back from. But if you both think your relationship is still worth working to save, there will be a period where trust isn't there but I think it's possible to rebuild it.

    It really depends on what kinda people you both are, though.
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  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Empired View Post
    Lads surely anyone is capable of cheating what with y'know free will and everything. Anyone who's everyone is capable of cheating. I don't agree with this whole "once a cheater always a cheater" stuff; that just seems like such a narrow minded, black and white perspective that shoves a whole tonne of people under one label. I've never been cheated on or cheated but I assume infidelity must actually be a massive grey area and you'd be foolish to ignore that.
    ^ I'm not gonna disagree that people shouldn't cheat and that it's shitty of them to do so but it definitely doesn't mean once a cheater always a cheater. People do learn from their mistakes or can learn that either the person they were in a relationship was wrong for them and/or that they need to work on something deep inside that causes them to cheat. We aren't slaves to our emotions and therapy/theory can help us understand the patterns we get into and the reasons for our behaviours. Personally I'd be distraught if someone cheated on me and wouldn't go back to them, not because I couldn't trust them not to do it again (because I know people can change) but because I'd want to respect myself more than that and allow them to deal with the consequences of their actions. Sometimes that's what people need to be able to change. However, I would understand why they would do it and that it's something to do with them and not me, that it's something they can work on. Whether or not the other partner chooses to stay and support them is entirely up to them.

    I've cheated before but I don't consider myself a cheater. It was one relationship where I was unhappy/insecure/immature/too broken to get out. In the same vein, I used to do gymnastics a long time ago but that doesn't mean I'm a gymnast anymore. My ex never once made me feel guilty for cheating in a previous relationship - he knew my reasons for it and how far I had come since it. He never ever spoke about it or used it against me. And no, I never cheated on him and I knew if I ever had the thoughts to, then it was something I needed to explore about myself and my relationship instead of staying in a relationship I'm unhappy in and hurting another person. So, isn't that trust? He trusted that I wouldn't hurt him even though I was capable of doing it.

    Also let me make the point that whilst cheating is horrible for the other partner, it isn't actually the worst thing that could happen. Kissing someone that makes you feel safe and happy versus the cheated on person being neglectful or abusive and makes it difficult for the cheatee to get out of the relationship? It's definitely not as black and white as its made out to be.

    As for the question - of course a relationship can "work" without trust - people stay together all their lives even though they don't trust each other and even though they really detest each other! What you need to define is what trust is and what you think makes a relationship "work". Sometimes distrust is unconscious. An anxious person can unconsciously distrust their partner and believe they're cheating on them without any evidence of it, an avoidant person can distrust their partner and believe they're trying to control them or take away their freedoms. So sometimes people are in love but don't trust each other, they make it "work" in a way that they keep trying without actually getting to the root of the problem. So, what is a working relationship? Is it solely based on trust? It's an important part of it but it isn't the whole story.
    Last edited by buttons; 18-02-2020 at 05:20 PM.


    pigged 25/08/2019


  7. #17
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    Feel like there's been a lot of "I wouldn't be comfortable with X if Y happened, therefore it's impossible for anyone" going on in this thread. A debate shouldn't have your personal experiences as absolutes - if even one person says that they've worked things out with a cheating partner then clearly saying that it's irreparable is just incorrect.
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