GUIDES: Self Harming, Teenage Pregnancy & Social Life.

[Ostinato]

Self Harm

Hey there guys. Lately, I have seen several 'self-harming' threads on this forum, about teenagers who have hurt themselves on deliberate to try and relieve pain, make themselves feel better, attention etc. by perhaps slitting their wrists etc. Therefore, in this post I am basically going to try and sum up self-harming for you, and explain why people do it, why you shouldn;t and the help self-harmers can get, so I hope you find it useful.


What is self harm?

It's called many things -- self-inflicted violence, self-injury, self-harm, parasuicide, delicate cutting, self-abuse, self-mutilation. Basically, self harm is the act of attempting to change a mood state by inflicting physical harm serious enough to cause tissue damage to one's body.

Approximately 1% of the United States population uses physical self-injury as a way of dealing with overwhelming feelings or situations, often using it to speak when no words will come.


How common is self harm?

Although it may not actually be obvious to you, or your not aware of it, it has been proved that more than one in 10 adolescents have deliberately harmed themselves. The study, commissioned by the Samaritans and conducted by the Centre for Suicide Research at Oxford University, found youngsters were more likely to harm themselves if they had friends who had already done so. Each year in the UK more than 24,000 teenagers are admitted to hospital after deliberately harming themselves.



What are examples of self harm behavior?

The forms and severity of self harm can vary, although the most commonly seen behavior is:
*cutting
*burning
*head-banging

Other forms of self-injurious behavior include:
*carving
*scratching
*branding
*marking
*burning/abrasions
*biting
*bruising
*hitting
*picking/pulling skin and hair.

It's not self-injury if the primary purpose is:
*sexual gratification
*body decoration (e.g., body piercing, tattooing)
*spiritual enlightenment via ritual
*fitting in or being cool


Why does self harming make some people feel better?

It reduces physiological and psychological tension rapidly.
Studies have suggested that when people who self-injure get emotionally overwhelmed, an act of self-harm brings their levels of psychological and physiological tension and arousal back to a bearable baseline level almost immediately. In other words, they feel a strong uncomfortable emotion, don't know how to handle it (indeed, often do not have a name for it), and know that hurting themselves will reduce the emotional discomfort extremely quickly. They may still feel bad (or not), but they don't have that panicky jittery trapped feeling; it's a calm bad feeling.


Some people never get a chance to learn how to cope effectively.
One factor common to most people who self-injure, whether they were abused or not, is invalidation. They were taught at any early age that their interpretations of and feelings about the things around them were bad and wrong. They learned that certain feelings weren't allowed. In abusive homes, they may have been severely punished for expressing certain thoughts and feelings. At the same time, they had no good role models for coping. You can't learn to cope effectively with distress unless you grow up around people who are coping effectively with distress. Although a history of abuse is common about self-injurers, not everyone who self-injures was abused. Sometimes invalidation and lack of role models for coping are enough, especially if the person's brain chemistry has already primed them for choosing this sort of coping.


Self-punishment (either because they believe they deserve punishment for either having good feelings or being an "evil" person or because they hope that self-punishment will avert worse punishment from some outside source.


What kinds of people self-injure?

Self-injurers come from all walks of life and all economic brackets. People who harm themselves can be male or female; straight, gay, or bisexual; Ph.D.s or high-school dropouts or high-school students; rich or poor; from any country in the world. Some people who self-injure manage to function effectively in demanding jobs; they are teachers, therapists, medical professionals, lawyers, professors, engineers. Some are on disability. Their ages range from early teens to early 60s.

"Self-inflicted violence is just an attempt to manipulate others."
Some people use self-inflicted injuries as an attempt to cause others to behave in certain ways, it's true. Most don't, though. If you feel as though someone is trying to manipulate you with SI, it may be more important to focus on what it is they want and how you can communicate about it while maintaining appropriate boundaries. Look for the deeper issues and work on those.



What help is on offer?

If you perhaps want to begin self harming, or if you are already a self harmer and want out of it, you've made a wise decision. Remember, you're not alone. Lots of other young people who self-harm have made the same decision - and many have been helped to stop hurting themselves. There is a wide variety of help on offer to you to get you started, and most of them are free and easy to take up.

*One of the best ways to get help is finding someone you can talk to and trust. This could be a parent, grandparent, brother, sister, friend, school nurse, teacher, social worker, school counsellor or youth worker.

*Samaritans offer you confidential, non-judgemental emotional suppoer 24 hours a day, meaning you can privately speak to someone who won't judge you from what you tell you. They will offer you help on what they can, or set you in the right direction.

You can go to http://www.samaritans.org/ for more information.

*You could even make an appointment with your doctor or GP and ask them for help, knowing everything you say will be kept confidential and private.


If you make an appointment to see someone and you feel uncomfortable going on your own, take a friend or family member with you. They can provide support and help you remember what was said.

Before your appointment, write down all the questions you want to ask and make sure they've all been answered before you leave

Write down the answers you're given. If you’re given the names of other people or organisations, make sure you write down the correct contact information

There may be a number of support or treatment options available. Explain that you would like to know about all possible alternatives.

If something is said during the meeting that you don’t understand, don't be afraid to ask the person to explain what they mean.

Ask if there are any leaflets or other types of information you can take away with you.

If the appointment is with a mental health professional or counsellor you might want to see on a regular basis, use your first meeting to decide whether you feel comfortable with them and whether they are someone you think you could trust.

If you don’t feel that you are going to get on with a particular person or professional, go elsewhere. You have the right to choose. What matters is that you get the help you need.

Don't forget, you don't have to take any help or advice if it doesn't feel right.

Good luck, and hopefully this has helped anyone who is simply curious about self harm, looking for information, is a self-harmer or is thinking of becoming one.

[This guide is made up from a number of different resources, and also by me personally]

[Ostinato]

Teenage Pregnancy

Hey there guys. As this is the relationships forum, I decided to post a wee guide on underage sex, and teenage pergnancy, and help outline some of the issues that can arise, and how to avoid them etc. and make people aware of the help that is available for those who need it.


What is Teenage Pregnancy?

Well, it does what it says on the tin basically! Teenage pregnancy is basically when you become pregnant, or get someone pregnant whilst they are still a teenager.


How common is Teenage Pregnancy?

Teenage pregnancy is a lot more common than you probably think.
* The number of under-18s who became pregnant in England and Wales rose from 40,966 in 2001 to 41,868 in 2002.

* Half of under-16s and a third of 16-19s use no contraception the first time they have sex.

* About 11 percent of all U.S. births in 2002 were to teens (ages 15 to 19).

*The majority of teenage births (about 67 percent) are to girls ages 18 and 19.2 About 860,000 teenagers become pregnant each year, and about 425,000 give birth.

*About one in three teenagers becomes pregnant before age 20


Why are Teenage Pregnancy rates so high in the UK?

The Social Exclusion Unit report Teenage Pregnancy identified three major factors for the UK's failure to reduce its teenage conception rates alongside those of other European countries:

* Low Expectations. Teenage pregnancy is more common among young people who have been disadvantaged and have poor expectations of education or the job market. The UK has more young people who see no prospect of a job and foresee a future on benefits. As the report said 'put simply, they see no reason not to get pregnant.'

* Ignorance. Young people in the UK lack accurate knowledge about contraception and sexually transmitted infections, they are uncertain of what to expect from a relationship and have an unrealistic picture of parenthood. Contraceptive use is low compared to countries like Denmark and the Netherlands and young people tend to have a rosy view of what being a parent is about.

* Mixed messages. Young people are surrounded by sexual images and messages which imply that sexual activity is the norm. Yet some parents and many public institutions are at best embarrassed about dealing with young people's sexuality or try to ignore it completely. This leads to the situation, described by one teenager quoted by the Teenage Pregnancy Report, where it seems as if sex is compulsory but contraception is illegal.

* Poverty is a key risk factor for teenage pregnancy. Girls whose families are in social class V (unskilled manual) are ten times more likely to become teenage mothers than girls from professional backgrounds. They are also far less likely to have an abortion if they do become pregnant.

* Children in and leaving care are at high risk of pregnancy. 25% of care leavers have had a child by the age of 16; almost half of care leavers are mothers within 18-24 months of leaving care.

* Low educational achievement is also a major risk factor for teenage parenthood. A study of 150 teenage mothers in South London found that 40% had left school with no qualifications compared with national average of 6.6%.


Is Teenage Pregnancy Against the Law?

Well, technically it is, as having sex under the age of 16 is officialy against the law. However, this law isn't exactly that if you break it. it means you go to prison. Basically, if you get someone pregnant/someone gets you pregnant, and either of the families wishes to press charges, police action would be taken, but unless it was unconsented nothing much is likely to happen - however this doesn't mean it's ok to do it, as if you do get caught you can still get in a hell of a lot of trouble.


Preventing Pregancy

If you are thinking of becoming sexually active, but want to prevent pregnancy there is a few things you can do to help stop.

* You could go on the pill, issued from your doctor or GP which simply stops you from becoming pregnant. The doctor will give you more information

* You could use condoms during intercourse, which prevent the sperm getting into the womans ****** and meeting the egg, therefore stopping any chance of pregnancy

These are 2 of the most basic ways to prevent pregnancy, but the best and most guaranteed one - is not to have sex at all, until you are definetly positive you are ready, and are able to deal with any consequences which may follow.


What are the signs of being pregnant?

Common signs of being pregnant, are:
* Your period is late, or doesn't come.
* Your period stops or becomes very light.
* You may feel nausea or queasiness. Some women vomit. ("Morning sickness" can happen any time of day -- it may help to eat small meals throughout the day, snack on crackers or toast, or drink juice or lemonade.)
* Your breasts swell and may be tender.
* Your nipples and the area around the nipples (areola) get darker and broader.
* You have to urinate more often.
* You feel tired.
* You may become constipated and have heartburn
* You may have headaches.
* You experience mood swings -- feel angry, sad, or happy for no reason.


What should I do if I think I'm Pregnant?

If you have had any of the symptoms related to pregnancy, listed above, and/or are curious that you might be pregnant, there is a few things you should do.

First off, you should take a pregnancy test which you will be able to purchase from your local pharmacy. Pregnancy tests are usually 99.9% accurate, but not always. If the pregnancy test is negative, I would suggest that it's perhaps just a wee scare and you've nothing to worry about, but just monitor the signs closely to be sure. However, if it's positive, I think you should inform a close family member, or someone you can trust, and make an appointment with your GP, who will confirm your pregnancy.


What if my parents kill me?!

It's likely that a lot of teenagers who become pregnant, or perhaps think they are, are worried what others may think of them, and worry about how their parents will react when they find out. Although it is a bit scary, you need to inform them, as they will just find out in the end anyway. You should sit them down, and explain the situation, and if you arn't that close to your parents, or feel you can't get the words out to express yourself, why not write them a letter- that way you can say exactly everything you want to. At the end of the day, they will just need to accept the fact, and most likely will just be disappointed in you.


Pregnancy options

If your pregnant, or become pregnant, you obviously have the choice of keeping it or not. You need to decide whether or not you would be able to bring up a baby, which is a lot of hard work, in a loving environment and keep it safe etc.

If you don't, or decide you don't want to keep it (which is entirely your decision, and you shouldn't let anyone else make it for you) then there are a few options available to you:

* Abortion - You could have the baby terminated whilst still inside the womb. This is entirely a moral, and personal decision you must make based on what you believe in, and obviously isn't for everyone. You would need to speak to your GP or doctor to have this arranged.

* Adoption - You could go through with the pregnancy, but once the baby is born you could have it adopted into a family who would be able to offer it the home and love the baby would require.

At the end of the day, it's your choice what you do with it, therefore you should never be forced into making a decision which you don't really want to go through with, otherwise you will regret it for the rest of your life.


Pregnancy Help

If you become pregnant, or just want more information on pregnancy there is several options for you to choose from. You could make an appointment with your local doctor or GP and speak to him about the different schemes etc. available to help you if you fell pregnant, or just to give you basic information on it.

You could also just use the internet, using google search engine where you could get some good information, and pregnancy help. A good site to visit, is http://www.pregnancy911.com/?gclid=C...FRUSQgodxGZF8A where you can get advice 24/7. You could also get in touch with Childline, a charity dedicated to helping young people, who offer a 24/7 chat service, allowing you to speak to someone one-to-one privatly, and help point you in the right direction. Visit http://www.childline.org.uk/ for more information.

Basically, you are legally, not allowed to have sex until you are over 16 years of age. This law is there for a reason, and that is because once your 16, in the laws eyes, you are seen as a responsible adult, and therefore you would be able to deal with any consequences you would be faced with after having sex. Sex shouldn't just be pointless, and should be an act of love between two people. You must ensure that you have waited long enough, to know
that you are definetly ready to have sex, and it is what you want, and you should never be pressurised by anyone else.

Hopefully this guide will have helped at least one person, and if you have anything you would perphaps like more information on anything, or have any suggestions for things that could be added, or even just have comments on the guide - please feel free to PM me.

Ostinato :]
(Super Moderator)

[Ostinato]

Social Life

Through your social life, it’s likely you will be faced with many problems. Throughout this guide, I’m going to go into detail on a lot of the stuff that you may be faced with, and how to overcome these situations in the best way possible.

Peer Pressure:-

Peer pressure is simply when people around you try and pressurise you into doing thing’s which you perhaps don’t want to, but it makes you look ‘cool’ simply because they say so. Examples of peer pressure are:

Smoking
Drinking
Vandalism
Bullying

If you are faced with any of these issues, then it’s easy just to overcome them. Think about it, there’s no point getting involved with them when you know deep down you don’t really want to take part in them, and their not actually going to benefit you in any way – in fact they’ll only result in you getting in trouble.

You should just turn round and say ‘no thanks, there’s nothing cool about that’ and walk away. You’ll be better off in the long run.


Friends:-

You will most likely be faced with problems with your friends during your teenage years. You may be getting talked about, shunned to the side, your friend may be too clingy or they may be jealous of you etc.

If your friends are talking about you, I say you just need to move on. If they’ve said something really nasty and hurtful about you, then you should let them know your not happy and ask for an apology, but you need to remember – if we knew everything our friends said about us behind our backs, we’d have no friends at all! ;]

In general, you just need to do your best to save your friendship, as at the end of the day that’s the most important thing involved, and it’s not worth ruining it over some silly argument.


Bullying:-

If you are perhaps being bullied, then you need to put an end to it. It’s much, MUCH easier than you probably think! You simply need to tell someone you trust, whether it be a parent or teacher, and ask them for your help. I understand you may be worried that this will result in the bullying being worse etc. but honestly – that’s never the case, and if it is you just need to inform another adult again. Don’t let bullying get out of hand – nip it in the bud. It isn’t fair that anyone should be bullied – so don’t stand for it.

Similarly, if you know of anyone being bullied, you could try and be-friend them and encourage them to speak to someone, or even speak to someone about it yourself. Think how the person must feel, and just realise you wouldn’t like to be in there shoes – so if you just give them a wee smile and a bit of help – it could make their day.


Lack of Friends:-

If you perhaps don’t have a lot of friends, you can easily amend that problem. By joining groups and clubs you will meet a lot of people with the same interests as yourself, and it’ll give you something to talk about if your not big on conversation.

There’s nothing worse than sitting in on your own all your life, so honestly – just get out there into the world and meet some new people – it’s honestly easier than you think! :]

Good luck, and I hope this guide has came in handy.

Ostinato
(Super Moderator)